Who the Hell Knows

Who do I want to be? Out of all of the questions I have in this world, this one is the most frustrating, and difficult question there is. A body is made up of billions of little cells which go into making you into whoever you want to be. Ask a child who they want to be, and they have an answer. “I want to be an astronaut” or “I want to be a teacher.” They all have an idea, and when I was their age, so did I; I wanted to be a nurse.
Here I am now, and my goodness it was as easy as just wanting to be something and following that path. If you ask me who I want to be now? It is much more complicated and it’s much more than just wanting to be a career. I want to be independent. I don’t ever want to have to rely on anyone else but myself. I want to be able to pay my bills with my own, earned money. I want to be able to just go for a walk, and wake up every single day with a smile on my face, because my happiness relies on no one but myself. I learnt the hard way, it isn’t that easy. You build relationships with people, and sometimes they don’t last, and if they do end up breaking, you’re left there, empty. This is when it becomes the struggle of being able to be independent.
I want to be able to find out who is worthy of being a part of my life and who isn’t. There really isn’t anything worse than being in a toxic friendship. In my eyes there are 3 different types of friendships. First, you have the high maintenance, low return. By this I mean, this is the friend who is always talking about themselves. It seems their problems are always more important than yours, and when it comes to anything you do, they have already done it, but ten times better. They are the ones who you always listen to and give advice on problems they may be encountering. On the other hand, when it comes to the fact that something is wrong with you, they never seem to be around. Second, you have the low maintenance, low return. These are the friends that you don’t have to talk to every single day. They are the ones who you see maybe once a month, but you don’t get a whole lot out of the friendship, other than just enjoying their company. Last, we have the low maintenance, high return. If you find a friend that falls in this category, grab hold to them and never let them go. These are the best people in the world, because you don’t have to talk to them every single day, or see them every weekend. At the end of the day though, you can bet your ass you can call them and they will tell you exactly what you need to hear. I want those people in my life. I’m tired of having putting people into my life that simply don’t belong in it.
I want to be someone who can make people smile. I know in today’s society, I won’t be able to make everyone in the world smile, but even if it’s just one person a day. As I’ve grown up, you see so many faces, people that are going though situations in which we have no idea about. Have you ever seen someone who doesn’t seem to be smiling as big as they should be? Compliment them. Tell them their shirt is totally rad, or that their eyes are as blue as the ocean. Seeing someone smile is truly the best feeling in the world. There are so many shitty people out there, I know I can’t make up for them all, but I sure as hell want to try.
That’s only three things in this world that I can think of what I want to be right now. Three, that’s it. There’s so much out their in this world, and so many possibilities. I beg of you, do not settle for a simple answer to the question of “who do you want to be?” You are so much better than that, you just have to get out there, and forget about anyone else and do what you need to do to be happy. So what is my answer? Who the hell knows, but I can’t wait to find out.

Never stop questioning,
Questioning Queen